wrestling and mercy

When they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord's anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God. Then David was angry because the Lord's wrath had broken out against Uzzah, and to this day that place is called Perez Uzzah. David was afraid of God that day and asked, "How can I ever bring the ark of God to me?"
1 chron. 13:9-12

so what's been going on with me? let's see. i've been to vegas and the grand canyon. cue photos guess i've not uploaded too many photos. it was good for my soul to get to spend some time with kimberly. we had some intriguing talks during our 8 hour drive to and fro the 'big hole'. it's good to re-connect with friends, and to spend time in their presence. it's important to see their facial expressions and to hear their voice. since kimberly lives in las vegas, we don't get to spend much time together. about once or twice a year we get to spend a few hours together because of vacation or Stone Mountain Highland Games.

many of our conversations revolved around God, and what He's doing.
+ Kimberly's church has already out-grown their new facility.
- Kimberly feels more disconnected
+ kimberly has a great small group
- kimberly fears being open and honest in small group about what is deeply going on within her - the wrestling with God.

wrestling with God... seems like David had some moments of wrestling when Uzzah was killed because he was attempting to keep the ark from falling off the wagon. 'david was angry.' that's a very bold statement. things didn't go the way that david had intended - he wasn't getting his way. was david out of line to have these feelings? i don't think so. i think it shows the humanness of david, the man after God's own heart. did david sin because of the anger - david decided to drop the ark off at the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite instead of taken it to the City of David? did he miss God's mark? was God upset with David for doing this?

i've been doing some of my own wrestling lately. and tho it feels heavy and exhausting, i know i'm not alone in the fight. i'm not an island, tho the journey is my own.

from 'this journey is my own,' by sara groves:
When I stand before the Lord, I'll be standing alone. This journey is my own. Still I want man's advice, and I need man's approval, but this journey is my own. : Chorus: Why would I want to live for man and pay the highest price? What would it mean to gain the world, only to lose my life? . So much of what I do is to make a good impression. This journey is my own. So much of what I say is to make myself look better. This journey is my own. . Chorus . I have never felt relief like I feel it right now. This journey is my own. 'Cause trying to please the world it was breaking me down, it was breaking me down. . Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, now I live and I breath for an audience of one. Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, 'cause I know this journey is my own. . Chorus . You can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain. I can't even judge myself. Only the Lord can say, "Well done."

Jesus,
tho my heart feels heavy and tired, and my words don't seem to flow gracefully, i'm crying out to You. some of my words to You are weighted and strong. sometimes the road doesn't feel fair or kind. but i'm learning to praise You with gratitude even if You chose not to answer my call today. help me to see Your mercies which come in various ways. thanks for my daily bread, and for friends who are willing to stand in the gap. thanks for grace that falls on weary lands. leed me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil. i'm cling onto this verse, "A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but fools detest turning from evil." (prov. 13.19) i'm clinging to the hope of my longing to be fulfilled. i desire to please You, my God and my King.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Mike *Patsy *Patsy

listening

Therefore I say: Listen to me; I too will tell you what I know. I waited while you spoke, I listened to your reasoning; while you were searching for words, I gave you my full attention.
job 10-12a

'To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or work associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand - highly developed qualities of character. It's so much easier to operate from a low emotional level and to give high-level advice.' -Stephen Covey from 'the 7 habits of highly effective people'

sometime it seems God speaks in a whisper, sometimes He has to use force; in both instances, God speaks with purpose. this quote from stephen covey speak so loudly to me that i can't help but notice. it's nearly as tho Jesus is sitting across my desk in my folding chair, and saying that statement to me. after i read that statement, i set the book down, and continued in conversation with Jesus, since He was already speaking to me.

so what has God spoken to you lately? what have you heard Him say? have you responded to Him with patience, openness, and a desire to understand?

(and for denise, i know what you are going to say. 'nobody thinks like you, tanya. maybe the Lord Jesus Christ can figure you out.') or in the lyrics to 'you get me' by zoegirl,
No more tears,
It's a silent ride.
You've broken down all fears,
Cuz you have made an all of me.
You know me better,
Than I know myself.
The key to my security,
Cuz there is no one else,
Who gets me.

Jesus,
Your word has refreshed my soul. tho it's painful to hear the words, i know You're calling me to a deeper understanding of listening. thanks for speaking truth to me. i can't change on my own, Jesus; i need Your help. i need You to teach me how to be open, patient and have a desire to understand what's being communicated. open my heart to hear. and about this low emotional level while offering high-level advice... well, i'm so guilty of this. may Your grace cover me. teach me, Father, how to effectively communicate truth with love. only thru You...
amen
*the miller family *skylar *the buffintons *derrick

go and love and touch in the name of Jesus

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise — the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
heb. 13.15-16

We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
1 john 4.16

i feel like the rain is falling on me. like the way the earth must feel after a drought. there are so many people in my life who need the rain which i'm basking in. and i'm trying to give them rain, but some people refuse to accept the gift. they'd rather remain in the sun-scorched land, like the plants that wither because they have no root. (matt. 13.6) perhaps my presentation of the rain isn't very appealing, or maybe my motives are divided. deep within me i wish that these people would accept this rain and be refreshed, as i am.

this tatto series that louie has presented throughout the summer was rain for my soul. he said, 'just GO and LOVE and TOUCH in the name of Jesus Christ.' he was referring to the way we are to be the body of Christ to those who need to be touched the most. Jesus made constant examples of the untouchables - to the blind, Jesus smeared mud on their eyes; to the man leprosy, He touched him; to the prostitute, He touched her; to the man with questions, He touched him. how do you fire God up? do this: sing God a song of praise while pouring out your life into those who most need to be touched. in the midst of the pain and hurting, sing Your song to Christ. get over Your own wants, and care for the needs of others - all while singing a song of praise to God. don't grumble when things don't go your way - sing and pray all the more. build others up instead of tearing them down.let others know that we are the Body of Christ thru our unity and love. find what breaks the heart of Christ and do something about it. 'Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.' james 1.27

something in last night's message gripped my heart and it hasn't let me go. i'm drawn to the hope in the words. i.m convinced more than ever before that i want to go to africa; i've been called from darkness into light. (1 peter. 2.9) my prayers are moving from 'God, i really want to go' to 'God, don't let me stay here any longer.'

Jesus,
what an incredible name. You've conquered death and You hold life in Your hands. Your power and might are great. and Your name can fell the enemy. be praised for choosing me to sing a song of praise to You. my heart rejoices that You've rained down upon me with light and hope, love and compassion. as i abide in You, You come and make this heart Your home. it's a joy to know and be known by You. teach me to represent You well. let me offer others some rain in a way which will be pleasing and acceptable. let them see and desire to have what i'm offering. use me as a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world. (mother teresa)
in Jesus Name ~ Amen.
*Leslie *kimberly * Derrick

Honoring God and Wisdom

'Make an altar of earth for me and sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, your sheep and goats and your cattle. Wherever I cause my name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you.'
exodus 20.24

All this I tested by wisdom and I said, "I am determined to be wise"— but this was beyond me. Whatever wisdom may be, it is far off and most profound— who can discover it? So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the madness of folly.
eccl. 7.23-25

this has been a busy week for me. work has be exceptionally busy, and after work i'm staying with a friend of mine who recently had hip replacement surgery. oh and somehow in the midst of all that, i lost my cell phone for 3 days. last night was a much needed let down - it was game night with some friends; it was a wonderful comic relief to the busyness of life. certainly good for the soul!

so last saturday i was reading exodus 20, the big 10, and stumbled across this verse tacked on the end. Yahweh says, "wherever i cause My Name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you." where has God caused His Name to be honored in my life? what points can i identify as movements of God? what have i done to honor Him - what altars have i constructed for others to see that i worship the Living God? am i looking for Him to make His Name honored in my life? am i giving Him sufficient time? this week i haven't giving Him my time. last week, i was intentionly giving him time everyday... oh to be able to set aside time daily to surrender my life will to His...

(with all those questions in the previous paragraph, i feel like i'm writing a bible study!!!!)

oh the importance of 'selah' - pause and calmly consider.

and last night before my head hit the pillow at midnight... my eyes fell upon these verses about wisdom. when i was younger, mostly in middle school when my faith was developing in leaps in bounds, i remember earnestly praying for wisdom. i remember reading verses in Proverbs about how important it is to have wisdom. i would get on my knees next to my bed and meditate and pray for God to bestow wisdom upon me. i still find myself praying for wisdom often, perhaps not quite as earnestly, (the old age symptoms of knowing wisdom comes with time and age are setting in.) this verse about desiring to 'turn my mind to understand, to investiage and to search out wisdom,' still grabs my attention.

if i had wisdom when i was given my first credit card, i would not be in this debt now. if i had demonstrated wisdom with my sexuality, i would not have had to confess as often as i did... and still do. but i don't feel God let me down or didn't answer my prayers for wisdom. He answered in more ways that i could have asked. when i asked for wisdom, He strengthened my faith, gave me 'proof' that He exists, opened doors for me to experience the work of the gospel. also, my grades in elementary school were average, in middle school and high school they were above average, and some how i managed to graduate with honors. that has to be some form of wisdom...

so what can i do to pursue wisdom? what can i do t oturn my mind to understand and investigate wisdom?

Jesus,
may You in Your abundant grace give me wisdom. if it pleases You, give me ears and eyes to recognize where You are causing Your Name to be honored. may i have all that is needed to build an altar where my humble sacrifice may be may given unto You. and may this humble sacrifice be pleasing in Your sight, worthy of Your Name and honor.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Melody *Cathy *Glenn

Waiting in Expectation

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
psalm 5.3

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
psalm 37.7

If you remain in Me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
john 15.7

i want some answers. i want to see some things change. i want some direction. i want to know this "energy, which so powerfully works in me" (col. 1:29). i want to see people come to know Jesus as their savior, life coach, redeemer, and friend. i want children in foreign countries to have enough food and water to sustain them. i want our ad council to be on fire for Jesus, and to take risks - to move from worrying about if we have enough money to challenging God to move on behalf of the poor and needy in pickens county. i want many things.

so what sacrifice am i willing to make in order for these things to come to pass? that is the question in my heart these days. what am i willing to do in order for others to know Jesus? when will i tell others of the life God has breathed into me? am i willing to give up food? am i willing to reach out to the needy, offering my time, talents and money? am i willing to find someone who needs to be loved? am i willing to speak up in a crowd? am i giving all i have to give on behalf of others? am i storing up things for myself on earth or in heaven? am i still enough to hear Jesus calling me from ordinary living into a life which takes risks? are my requests to God self-centered? am i living out purpose or lacking purpose? how is it that a precious flower can give me so much joy and a heart filled with gratitude?

Father,
i'm seeking You. You hold time in Your hand. You allow flowers to spring from the earth to give You glory and praise. let me do the same; let my heart resound with 'amens' and 'hallelujahs'. for my brother, i ask for redemption. for my parents, i request peace. for denise, humility. for shottie, wisdom. for brandon, compassion. for steven, self-control. for jerry, strenght. for tricia, truth. for juanita, patience. for patsy, gentleness. for amanda, hope. for kevin, perseverance. for cindy, love. for becca, knowledge. for glenn, will-power. for valerie, kindness.
Thru Jesus my requests are made known ~ Amen.
*Derrick *Marcus *Derek

where's hope?

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
lam. 3.21-26

last sunday's message was about hope. what i got from it was about how our hope lies in Jesus Christ, and that hope gives us strength to persevere. and this perseverance isn't only for our benefit, but for the benefit of others who should to know Hope. last night i attended 7:22. (go there and watch it!) the message was about being light to the world which will cause others to desire to know the Light. seems to be a connection: to know this Hope and Light.

Louie Giglio is a gifted, godly speaker. it's amazing how God uses Louie to speak truth into a thristy generation. and it's even more amazing how those who are thristy are filled when God moves. last night was a perfect example. louie began with the scripture, lev. 19.1-2, "The Lord said to Moses, "Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: 'Be holy because I, the Lord your God, am holy." somehow from there he launched into eph. 5:8-9, "Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)." from an illustration of being whole to a lamp shining in the darkness, God moved thru the Church last night.

after the service, shottie and i had a good conversation. it was refreshing to re-connnect with her. i chalk the credit to Jesus for this refreshment. it's good to have friends, especially those who can relay their thoughts of what God is doing in their lives. that encourages my heart, along with my drive to shine more light.

Jesus
my thought are all over this place today. thanks for giving me these few minutes to focus on You. You are holy, and i desire that holiness. show me where i'm messing up. guide me into a deeper whole-ness. let my life be light in the darkness, just like the lamp on the stand. help me to get away from the bowl. You are the hope of glory and the light that shines in the darkness. in You there is no darkness, for darkness is as light to You. expose the deeds of darkness in my life - help me to confess to my friends for support. as i wait for Your salvation, have me always remember that You are compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.
in Jesus' holy Name ~ Amen
*Philip *Donna *Louie

Letter to Tim

I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.
1 tim. 5:21

The sins of some men are obvious, reaching the place of judgment ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them. In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not cannot be hidden.
1 tim. 5:24-25

i wonder what type of person timothy was. when paul wrote him this letter, he must have been under some pretty stong pressure to change the ways of those around him. these commands from paul drive a nail directly into the heart.

if someone were to say, 'i charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism,' i think i may feel pretty intimidated. that type of confrontation normally doesn't sit well with me. there's just something about someone commanding me to do something. i'm ok when asked to do something, but when someone commands me to do something - normally my defenses go up and i'm up for a fight. i suppose that's a confession about failing to be submissive and to keep quiet (as also commanded in the book of first timothy.)

to do nothing out of favoritism... what does that mean? we all have favorite friends and we treat them differently than we do strangers. before this passage paul was referring to young widows who should be encouraged to marry should they feel the impulse. after this the passage speaks about drinking wine, instead of plain water. so this verse about partiality and favoritism sort of seems out of place. but it is out of place enough that it caught my attention. and made me think about how i treat certain people, and how i don't treat certain people whom i don't know as well. 'be fair' may be a way a saying what paul is trying to relay.

then comes this verse about sins and good and bad deeds. when i see this verse played out in my minds eye, i envision people either pushing or pulling a large, black box. their sins are either in front of them or behind them. either way, every person has sin - not one person is without his or her box.

denise and i had the priviledge of moving some furniture this morning. sometimes i was leading backwards, sometimes i was on the backside. one particular upright closet was difficult to move because of the height. so as we moved this large closet, we would only go as far as my legs could extent. without me pushing, denise couldn't pull it. also, without her pulling it, i could barely move it an inch. together we could move the closet, but apart we couldn't succeed. sometimes we push; sometimes we pull.

so which way do you see yourself right now? the one who has their sin ahead of them, or the type who carry their sin behind? and what can we do for others to help them to move their sin? perhaps that could be a good question to ask someone who desires to mentor someone. it's not just a matter of bringing to light the sin, it's a matter of guiding that person along the journey, away from the sin. and how many of us are willing to take the time to do that?

Jesus,
this post went in a completely different direction than i first intended. guess You had a different plan for me. so as i think about the illustration of pushing or pulling my sin, which way do i come across to others? do i have a good front, but the darkness eventually shows it's ugly face? Your word says that we should confess our sin to one another and pray together. that's the kicker. finding that someone willing to guide us away from the sin which entangles our souls. may You help me to be trusting of the friends You've given me - those who would be willing to guide me and stand by my side thru good, the bad, and the ugly of life. may You receive the praise for the friends whom You've blessed upon me. may Your truth expel the darkness, my black box. help me to be open with You about what's going on within me. forgive me for having a quick tongue and an anal retentive, critical spirit at times. may You open my eyes to see when this sin is shining thru so we can deal with it. with Your help, i know the box will move.
in Jesus Name ~ amen.
*mom *kimberly *robin

Holy Living

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
1 thes. 4:3-7

I am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. Do not make yourselves unclean by any creature that moves about on the ground.
lev. 11:44

during my lunch hour today i began to think about holiness. and how if we truly realized how holy we are expected to be, we would probably take more effort to clean up our thoughts lives, mouths, and the way our body language speaks volumes of what's going on within our souls. holy from webster.com has some pretty standard definitions. strong's #38 speaks of consecration, purification, and sanctification of heart and life. so now we all know what is involved in being holy.

but to dig deeper, sanctification of heart and life seems like a might extensive overhaul. seems like that reaches the depths of who we are, or perhaps maybe even deeper than who we are. perhaps it reaches to who we are in Christ and where we are going. that's the part i'm looking forward to, because getting there is often painful, annoying, and exhausting.

Jesus,
in my limited understanding, i believe that You've called me to live a holy life. and only thru Your Holy Spirit am i capable of calling myself holy and worthy to enter into Your presence. thanks for rescuing me from the darkness and unrighteousness. You are the source of my strength and holiness. so i fall before You and beg to be filled with Your Presence. i want to live a holy life. i want to be transformed from my ordinary thinking, into thoughts which glorify You. cleanse me with hyssop, and i will be clean. do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. You do not delight in sacrifice, or i would bring it. i am all i have to offer. i am the sacrifice, a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. thanks for accepting me just the way i am. and thanks for not allowing me to remain the same.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Gail *Mike *Flora

Binding the Word

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
deut. 11.18-19

back on the bandwagon... of memorizing the Word. this is one of those disciplines which comes and goes for me. for awhile, i'll be very disciplined and memorize each day. but then something comes along which looks more entertaining, perhaps less challenging and i'll fall away. and then like an alarm clock, i'll be reminded of how i miss it, and how i love it when my thoughts focus on the words of life. so i'm currently at the point where my heart is longing to memorize again. so i'm going to begin by refreshing the verses and chapters which are already in my mind and heart: Psalm 139, 19, and 51. then i'll move on. i would really like to one day memorize colossians, but that's a ways down the trail.

Jesus,
again my heart is missing something; missing the closeness of having Your truth run thru my mind. i confess that i've fallen from this discipline. thanks for drawing this to my attention, and for giving me the perseverance to open my mind and heart to listen intently to Your Word. i can hear my professor from college say there are ways get into Your Word: hear, read, study, memorize, meditate. forgive me for falling away. i long to be near again. i trust that Your grace is sufficient, and You'll be my stamina to draw from the well, even when my feelings do not desire it. Your death on the cross made a way for us to connect intimately, and i want to be close with You. thanks for loving me enough to take my place.
thru Jesus'
*Denise *kevin *Philip

God, Our Sanctuary

Therefore say: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Although I sent them far away among the nations and scattered them among the countries, yet for a little while I have been a sanctuary for them in the countries where they have gone.'
ezek. 11.16

This is what the Sovereign Lord says: No foreigner uncircumcised in heart and flesh is to enter my sanctuary, not even the foreigners who live among the Israelites.
ezek. 44.9

Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts.
1 cor. 7.19

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

gal 5.6

sometimes the Bible confuses me. more specifically, Jesus confuses me. He changed things up, but did not do away with the old. He fulfilled the Law, but did not abolish it. (matt. 5.17) so that means the old law is still in effect, along with the new transformation thru the Spirit. sometimes that feels like a war in my soul.

i love reading and studying the bible. it amazes me how Jesus came to rescue us from the rule of satan. and Jesus's life is proof of God's immense love for us. and i believe that Jesus was all God and all man. and He changed up the thinking of the disciples and some of the rulers of the temple and government. and He still changes the thinking of those who seek Him.

the mental picture of God being our sanctuary comforts me. but my definition of sanctuary is probably different than the israelites definition. so these foreigners who were living within the community of the chosen people could not enter into the sacred temple. but then Jesus comes - and states the He is the new high priest. so does that eliminate the heirachy of the church. over and over we read about the different members having equally important positions. and several times in the new testament, we can find verses referring to circumcision having no meaning, except for circumcision of heart. and even in the old testament, some verses comment about that. again, it's coming back to the condition of our hearts.

i've been calling myself a Christian for 18 years. some of those early years tested my faith in pretty strong ways. along the journey, i've fallen into some pretty serious sin. and today i still deal with those actions. my mind often refers back to that life. and growing up in the household which i grew up wasn't always the easiest life. perhaps from an outside view it looked like the good life, but within the walls our our house was some tremendous dissension. through all those struggles, God had a way of offering His hand of grace. i've learned first hand that His grace is sufficient for all sin: past, present and future.

Amazing God,
tho my understanding is limited, i know You are great. i'm not sure if you are changing, but i do know that You have been the same yesterday, today and forever. and tho i don't understand the culture of the israelites and their understanding of 'sanctuary', i grasp the concept of You being my sanctuary. and i understand why it matters most to express ourselves by loving You and others. help me to love the way You love - and to be rid of this critical spirit. help me to pray for those who are different than me. give me a heart of compassion to see past their petty facade, and see their hearts. may You, Holy Spirit, open a way for me to speak Your love at my workplace.
in Jesus' Holy Name ~ Amen
*mom + dad *sam *emma

Sorting out the Thoughts

"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander."
Matt. 15.16-19

You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the Lord your God.'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.' 'Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled.'
Lev. 18.3-4, 22, 24

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
Rom. 14.1-4

this is a difficult post to begin. on one of the blogs which i frequently visit, there has been an heated discussion about intolerance or acceptance of homosexuality. and my little mind has been rolling around what i believe about it, not what i've read or seen or experienced. admittedly, i'm not close friends with anyone who lives a homosexual lifestyle. i have some acquaintances, but none who i would consider a close, intimate friend. with that being said, i find myself drawn to homosexuals. perhaps it's because i want to know what originally drew them into that lifestyle. perhaps because God has given me a compassionate heart for them. perhaps it's because i want to see God's amazing transformation in their lives. or maybe it's a tactic of satan to try to get me involved. in any case, i'm drawn like a bug to a zapper.

i'll never forget hearing tony campolo speak about loving others, especially anyone living as a homosexual. with tears in his eyes and a broken heart, he spoke of his relationship with a good friend who is a homosexual. that's the kind of humility and love we are to have for all of God's people, no matter what type of lifestyle they are pursuing.

in my pursuit to find what i believe, i've become increasingly annoyed by people who use the verse, "judge not, or you also will be judged," (matt. 7.1) as a cop-out. that's using scripture as a knife to kill, instead of a tool to transform lives into obedient disciples of Christ. which leads me to what i believe. i believe that each of us was born with a sinful nature. and this sinful nature manifests itself in each of us different. for some, we struggle with arrogance, some have a wicked tongue, some have murderous thoughts, some have a need for sex, some have lust for humankind. some people struggle from abuse at a young age which leads to different sins. each of us carry this sinful nature like a heavy coat. and i believe with all my heart that anyone can be set free from any sin which leads us away from being obedience to the scripture. i think that if we fail to do what the Bible asks of us, we sin. James of the bible says, 'Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.' (4.17) being aware of what sin is seems to make the difference.

so you could say i'm being intolerant. but i know i'm a sinner. and i have to repent of my sin every day. but i'm trying with all my heart to allow the Spirit of God to cleanse me from the wickedness from which i was born. i try to give up my heavy coat on a daily basis. i know my sin is great, but i also know that the grace of my Father is enough for all the wrong i've done or will do. that's what it means to be free. and for this freedom i am forever grateful.

God,
i lay down my beliefs before You. i want to be righteous and holy - being right in word and deed before and at the same time being set apart of your purpose. break me of the sin which entangles me. if i'm wrong, show me where i've sinned. He have a way of turning things upside down. what i nature would do, is often the opposite of how You expect me to react. teach me to be more like You. help to be love those who cross my path. let me to friends with sinners, so they can see You in me. let my heart radiate with Your love so that others can bask in your warmth. let me love - even if it is tough love - those whom You would set before me. Father, i am not enough without You. You've changed this sinner's heart to sing Your praises. You've given me new passion, new reason to uphold what is right. and You provide the strength to flee from temptation. thanks for the reassurance that Your grace is enough, even for the worse of the sinners. thanks for transforming lives with Your Holy Spirit. thanks for still moving in the midst of the darkness. give me compassion for those who need to be loved. help me to love without judgment.
in Jesus Name ~ Amen.
*adam *cat *robin

Blogs

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
isaiah 43.19

so what is it that draws readers towards blogs? what blogs do you find yourself returning to, day after day in hopes that the writer will update?

for me, its constantly getting into the lives of people. finding out what makes them tick. (perhaps i should've pursued sociology or psychology!) i love reading life happenings, which seem ordinary to them, but to me they seem extraordinary. like the little things - those people who can constantly see God moving in their lives - drawing them from regular life to do amazing feats. those who hear God's voice, recognize His promptings, and respond with abandon. and they update nearly everyday. that's amazing to me.

i also tend to read people's blog who are struggling w/ life. not sure if that's a woman thing, or if i'm naturally drawn to the downtrodden. looking back, most of my friends from high school needed help - and that's how i became their friends. i responded. curious to know what that says about me?

the sinful side of me falls into the temptation of reading blogs which tell of a wild child's life. some people are just a mess and they love it. some are bi-sexual and tell freely of their desires. some are married and tell of their messy families. many are non-Christian and freely proclaim that.

so i guess that blogs that draw me the most are people who share life with the world. they are the ones who update consistantly about the ridiculous things of life. the ones who can express themselves via a keyboard. the ones who look deeper than surface level - to find who they are and how they are most satisfied with their lives. for me, i find who am i thru the words of Christ. tho my blog is lame with devotions, that's who i am - or who i aspire to be - or where i find i'm most satisfied. since i don't have a husband or kids - or am sexually active - or jobless - or in a band - or cuss - or an alcoholic... all that doesn't matter. i'm me. and other bloggers are themselves, too.

so thanks to readers who link to this site from yours. thanks for being real.

jesus,
what a strange time - when people connect more thru the net than in real person. God, you know my heart - and you know there are times when i desire to have more friends to hang out with. but then there are times, when i'm reminded that You've blessed me with some pretty incredible friends. i chalk up to You my praise for my friends. tho i may struggle at times to be single, i trust that You are my Friend in all situations. You know when i sit and when i rise - when i go out and when i lay down. You're familiar with all my ways. that's inspiring! tho my heart may not always be content to be single, i lay down these feelings to you. thanks for reminding me this morning that Your unfailing love will sustain me. and that Your plans are best for me. so if you have a spouse for me, help me seek You for patience and wisdom. and if not, i will always trust You as my Husband - the one who purchased me at a price, but not one that money could afford. thanks for my 'net friends who don't even know that i read their blog, but still i talk with You about them all the same. may You fill the brokenness some of my close friends are feeling. may Your unfailing love embrace them - and quench the desires of their hearts. may they seek Truth, instead of instant gratification. may their hearts blaze when they enter Your presence. may You awaken our passion to find You, our first love. tho my words fail, i trust that You hear my heart's cry.
thru Jesus ~ Amen
*misty *susan *kevin

The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.
isaiah 50:4

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.
psalm 119:34

this verse in isaiah beholds much wisdom. first it speaks of God giving me an 'instructed tongue' - a tongue that knows the words which sustain the weary. that's a big responsibility - speak to the weary and give them words which will encourage them and lead them to satisfaction. we've all been there before: when we know one of our friends is down, and we feel it's our responsibility to cheer them up. and we try to give them a shoulder to cry upon or a listening ear so they can get rid of whatever is weighing them down. but sometimes we are expected to tell them of the love which Christ has for them - and that is the word which will sustain them.

secondly, this verse speaks of God wakening us on a daily basis with ears that listen for His voice. seems to me this part of the verse should have preceded the other part of the verse. first we need to listen for God's voice - teaching us how to give the words which sustain the weary. without His word of instruction, His promptings, His leading, His guidance . . . we are lost and purposeless.

i have many friends right now who are going thru hard times. i'm not going to name them, but i can sense them becoming weary. their faith once blazed the way - taking on challenges much larger than they could conquer, but they faithfully went thru the unknown with help of the Known. now the One whom they knew so well in the past, has become commonplace. . . and this saddens me. one of my friends who is struggling with temptation said, 'it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission'. it breaks my heart that we've cheapened grace. oh the wise words of bonhoeffer. so i ask myself, in what ways am i cheapening grace? where in my life have i given into temptations - or where have i been numb to the Spirit's leading? what in my life is unholy? what white lies have my lips spoken - what exaggerations have i said? where have i been a hypocrit? is there someone whom i should ask for forgiveness? what in my past is causing fear or discouragement? where have i withheld my love for Jesus or others? when have i shown a 'don't care attitude'? have i said i'll do something and didn't do it? how's my daily pursuit of Jesus - am i digging into His word and truly listening for His voice? do i hear Him speak and forget? am i who i think i am? what things in my life cause dissatisfaction and what am i doing about them? am i pursuing righteousness? is my money being spent on things which will have a lasting effect on others - or am i being selfish in my spending?

dearest Friend
i ask these questions in Your presence. help me to find the true answers. give me understanding and i will keep Your law and obey with my whole heart. Jesus, forgive me for not being real with You. too often i try to cover my struggles from You - help me to get them out in the open so that You can cleanse me for falling into sin. use Your hyssop to cleanse - wash me, then i'll be whiter than snow. when i wake in the morning, let my first thoughts be of You - speak to servant for she is listening. may i be silent long enough to hear the words which satisfy and give rest to the weary. i'm not an island.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Kimberly *Maverick *Lexi

Combining Worship

In that day there will be a highway from Egypt to Assyria. The Assyrians will go to Egypt and the Egyptians to Assyria. The Egyptians and Assyrians will worship together. In that day Israel will be the third, along with Egypt and Assyria, a blessing on the earth. The Lord Almighty will bless them, saying, "Blessed be Egypt my people, Assyria my handiwork, and Israel my inheritance."
Isaiah 19.23-25

so i'm working my way thru isaiah. man, i love that book! the Jesus story, the fall of satan, the history of our Christian faith all rests in it. good stuff.

so this verse - about egypt, assyria and israel all being part of God's amazing plan - brings so much history together. normally i'm not a history buff, but to hear that egypt - the land where moses was enslaved by pharoah will be a blessing is beyond me. and to hear that assyria which includes nineveh (the terrible people from whom jonah was running) will be included in being a blessing - that's beyond me too. and not just that - but that israel will be third in line. israel, the gaza strip, and all the fighting going on there will be a blessing? that is beyond me.

the more i think about it... the more it concerns me. because these verses speak of egypt (in africa) and assyria (syria/iraq/turkey) will have a highway connecting them. well, israel seems to be in the middle. no wonder there is much fighting going on there.

religion stats for israel: Jewish 76.5%, Muslim 15.9%.
for syria: Sunni Muslim 74%, Alawite, Druze, and other Muslim sects 16%
for egypt: Muslim (mostly Sunni) 90%, Coptic 9%

Most Gracious God,
You are the original blesser. and even today You are the One who pours out so much blessing that we don't have room enough for it. Your word has many mysteries to me. i see in part - but someday i will see full, even as i am fully know by You. and this road that leads from egypt to syria will be one of worship - that will be an amazing day. so i think about the roads i travel on to work, to play, to south dakota . . . are they roads of blessing or curses. i pray that where i travel i may be a blessing to those whom You place in my path. may You use me as an instrument of Your love. may these roads before me lead me deeper into our relationship. i seek to know You more.
by Jesus ~ amen.
*kerri *President Mohammed Hosni Mubarak *philip

Become a slave

You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Romans 6.18

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
Lev. 26.13

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Romans 8.17

yesterday in sunday school our class went thru Romans 5. romans just gets me right there! tho i may have a shallow understanding of the book because of this culture and current traditions, it still remains relevant. if i could choose one main theme which draws me to Christianity, it would be the theme of having to become a slave. slaves don't have rights - or a vote - or say-so in any matters. they are expected to do what they are commanded without pay. they can be abused or honored, depending on their master. they are to be obedient and submissive.

ephesians 6.6, speaking to slaves about their masters, goes on to say, 'Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart.' so being a slave of Christ is to draw new joy and strength from the depths of their hearts.... and our hearts, too. we are not excluded from being slaves to Christ. too often serving and submitting does not draw joy and strength from my heart... usually it tends to draw out the heathen in me.

o merciful master,
you've ask of me to give everything i have ever possessed, including my very soul. when my focus is so shallow - when my eyes fall upon how hard i have it, show me that You've already called me into priesthood. tho You've given me the status of kingship, help to remember that You've equipped me to perform the duties of a slave. i want to be obedient to You. i want to submit with a grateful heart. break me when my ego arises. o Lord, it's hard to be humble... in You i am made whole. as i abide in You, i see how surrendering to Your commands is not a burden, but a joy. my heart rejoices that i can abide in You, even when i fall hard.
in Jesus Name ~ Amen

*lexi *juanita *cynthia