wrestling and mercy

When they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord's anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God. Then David was angry because the Lord's wrath had broken out against Uzzah, and to this day that place is called Perez Uzzah. David was afraid of God that day and asked, "How can I ever bring the ark of God to me?"
1 chron. 13:9-12

so what's been going on with me? let's see. i've been to vegas and the grand canyon. cue photos guess i've not uploaded too many photos. it was good for my soul to get to spend some time with kimberly. we had some intriguing talks during our 8 hour drive to and fro the 'big hole'. it's good to re-connect with friends, and to spend time in their presence. it's important to see their facial expressions and to hear their voice. since kimberly lives in las vegas, we don't get to spend much time together. about once or twice a year we get to spend a few hours together because of vacation or Stone Mountain Highland Games.

many of our conversations revolved around God, and what He's doing.
+ Kimberly's church has already out-grown their new facility.
- Kimberly feels more disconnected
+ kimberly has a great small group
- kimberly fears being open and honest in small group about what is deeply going on within her - the wrestling with God.

wrestling with God... seems like David had some moments of wrestling when Uzzah was killed because he was attempting to keep the ark from falling off the wagon. 'david was angry.' that's a very bold statement. things didn't go the way that david had intended - he wasn't getting his way. was david out of line to have these feelings? i don't think so. i think it shows the humanness of david, the man after God's own heart. did david sin because of the anger - david decided to drop the ark off at the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite instead of taken it to the City of David? did he miss God's mark? was God upset with David for doing this?

i've been doing some of my own wrestling lately. and tho it feels heavy and exhausting, i know i'm not alone in the fight. i'm not an island, tho the journey is my own.

from 'this journey is my own,' by sara groves:
When I stand before the Lord, I'll be standing alone. This journey is my own. Still I want man's advice, and I need man's approval, but this journey is my own. : Chorus: Why would I want to live for man and pay the highest price? What would it mean to gain the world, only to lose my life? . So much of what I do is to make a good impression. This journey is my own. So much of what I say is to make myself look better. This journey is my own. . Chorus . I have never felt relief like I feel it right now. This journey is my own. 'Cause trying to please the world it was breaking me down, it was breaking me down. . Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, now I live and I breath for an audience of one. Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, 'cause I know this journey is my own. . Chorus . You can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain. I can't even judge myself. Only the Lord can say, "Well done."

Jesus,
tho my heart feels heavy and tired, and my words don't seem to flow gracefully, i'm crying out to You. some of my words to You are weighted and strong. sometimes the road doesn't feel fair or kind. but i'm learning to praise You with gratitude even if You chose not to answer my call today. help me to see Your mercies which come in various ways. thanks for my daily bread, and for friends who are willing to stand in the gap. thanks for grace that falls on weary lands. leed me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil. i'm cling onto this verse, "A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but fools detest turning from evil." (prov. 13.19) i'm clinging to the hope of my longing to be fulfilled. i desire to please You, my God and my King.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Mike *Patsy *Patsy