Sovereignty of God

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."
job 1.20-21

No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.
isaiah 40.24-25

i've sat here for about 5 minutes staring at my monitor after i posted those verses. and i'm still sitting here - trying to collect my thoughts. there are just not words to describe what is going thru my mind and heart.

apart from my inability to express myself, i find much comfort in the Word and the silence. every person reacts differently to pain and suffering. i find in those times, that i tend to cling more strongly to Jesus. my prayer life is more receptive, instead of being demanding. my heart is more open to hear Truth in different forms.

there's an illustration which i recently heard about persecution, but it seems to apply to hurt and suffering for me. if you think of a stream, it flows at a steady, slow moving pace when the stream is wide. but, when the stream is narrow, when it finds opposition, the stream quickens, even rushes thru the narrow opening. right now i feel like i'm rushing, or pushing to get thru the narrow parts; my strength is high, my faith is strong. and i give the glory of this feeling to the One who hears the prayers of the faithful. surely that great cloud of witnesses is standing in the gap, pulling heaven down to earth. and for those of you who are standing in the gap for me and my friends, we are grateful.

oh sovereign God. tho i don't understand, i believe. and it is You whom i believe, because right now my heart is torn asunder. with all my strength, i cleave to You. tho my head races with thoughts, my heart is quiet - waiting to see how You are repairing the broken walls of these temples. let your praise be heard in the depths of who i am. God, i praise You with everything in me for being our comfort. tho i may joke about the Holy Comforter Church, You've truly raised up a church to be your comforters. thanks for sending us your love thru Jesus Christ.
amen.