planting seeds

I'm a huge Mark Batterson fan.

Quoting him: "Oh that I could pray that the Holy Spirit would come upon us and put upon us this awesome responsibility to plant a seed and remove this awesome burden to be God."

You can listen to the podcast here.

What seeds are you planting?

Same deal, five and half years later

I had to laugh at myself.

As I was reading through an old post from my blog from 2006, I found something interesting. That quote about the Lion Manifesto is the exact quote which I copied into my Evernote this morning from Mark Batterson's blog post from today. 

Think God might be trying to get me to figure that one out? Guess I should take a little more time to read through that one.

Single Mom's Gas Give-Away : May 12

Hey there,

We have an exciting opportunity for any single mom. Our church is giving out FREE gas. On May 12 from 12 - 3 PM, we'll be pumping gas at City on a Hill Church located at 7745 Main Street, Woodstock, GA  30188, next to the Woodstock Library. We'll also be offering things for kids, water, and HOPE. Sometimes when things look bleak, what we need more than anything is to have someone show us that they care. This is what we are trying to do for the single mom's in the Woodstock/Marietta/Canton area.

This is what I need from you: to tell all your friends who are single moms about this event. We are trying to spread the news by word of mouth. We've been asked to not publish any printed advertisements or radio announcements by the county officials who have given us a permit. So basically we're telling everyone we know to tell everyone they know. I believe this could be ever more effecting than printed material. You have influence into your friends' lives. Can you help us spread the word?

You can get more info at Free Gas.

And if you don't have anything going on from Noon to 3 on Saturday, May 12, we would love to see you. We have lots of people involved, but there is always room for one more helping hand. You never know how an event like this can impact someone's life. Troy and I have volunteered for this event for several years now, and each year we hear stores of women who feel hopeless. Then they come to this event, and are renewed with hope to continue living. We'd love to see you there!

Thanks in advance for spreading the word. Let's make someone's day by giving a little hope (and free gas).

For you...

Singleness…

 

They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me.  Jer. 32:38-40

 

This morning I was praying for my single friends. And as I thought about it, I have lots of female friends who are single. Most of them are over 30, never married, amazing, confident women who are seeking a spouse. They each have super cool personalities, and they are fiercely independent, well-spoken, kind-hearted people. Each of these ladies has been a good friend to me for years. I cherish their friendships and look forward to meeting the guys who will treat them like queens.

 

So I'm praying for these guys, even though I don't know them yet. These guys will be Christ-followers, know the meaning of sacrifice, have ears to listen to what is laying heavy on my friends' hearts. These guys will be adventurous, caring, and kind. They will show gentleness to the broken-hearted, seek the interests of others, and care about their families. They will be committed to marriage and their wives; they will remain faithful until the end.

 

And my friends will be these guys' biggest fan. My friends will cherish their friendships, encourage these guys to strive for excellence – without nagging. They will seek to build up their man like he's prince charming. These ladies will seek to make their husband's happy. These beautiful women will cling to what is good and flee from what is evil and degrading. Their hearts will only be for the one they love.

 

So, God, when are these guys showing up for my friends? My girlfriends are ready to meet these guys!

 

So, friends of mine, keep your eyes open. Make your list of what this guy of your will be like. Seek him out. He's waiting to meet you, too.

Toil is meaniningless

 Work has been so heavy lately. By "heavy" I mean both the amount of workload and it's emotionally taxing. It's year end. That's about all I can say. 

During a brief moment, I had a thought to read a section of Ecclesiastes about finding satisfaction in my work. Unfortunately, I don't. So these verses were a bit discouraging, but hopefully I can get the lesson God is trying to teach me. I feel the same as this writer: working tiresomely to give everything I make to someone else. 

 

Ecc. 2:24-26

 ¹⁷ So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. ¹⁸ I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. ¹⁹ And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. ²⁰ So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. ²¹ For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. ²² What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? ²³ All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.

 ²⁴ A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, ²⁵ for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? ²⁶ To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

 

So I'm seeking the hand of God, calling out to Him to be gracious to me. I want to find satisfaction in what I do, but ultimately I desire to please Him. That's my souls passion. Ken Blanchard in his book called the "One Minute Manager" said this, "People who feel good about themselves produce good results." John Piper in his book called "Desire God" says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him." I see a recurring tend being set.

OK, God, I'm ready... what do You have for me today? 

 

What being married has taught me

Marriage is more about "what am I willing to give up" versus "what can I get out of it".

This is something I did not realize going into this marriage. It's been a steep learning curve for me, but the gracious Lord is continuing to work this lesson my thick heart. It takes work and sacrifice, tears and prayers, and bouncing ideas off of friends. 

Marriage is for those who are willing to find out what needs to change in their lives.

Before I got married, I thought that I had it all together. By being married and adding some kids, I quickly came to realize that I didn't have anything together except being selfish. I wasn't a good lover of people. It's constantly being revealed to me that I need to put my feelings aside and seek out the interests in others. This is the example that Christ gave over and over. I never noticed that in scripture until it's reveal in my own life. Jesus didn't come down here on his own according - it's the will of the One who sent Him. That's a constant sacrifice of desires.

Those are my 2 lessons for today. For anyone looking to commit to being married, these are two lessons I wish someone would have shared with me. If you don't think you'll need to change once you're married - you're deceived. There are always areas in your life which will need to change. You need to be willing to serve your spouse, even when you don't want to. That's a conscious decision - and you'll need to re-affirm that decision each moment you're alive.

So what are you willing to give up in order to serve others? What is God calling you out on? Where is there tension in your relationship - this probably has to do with your unwillingness to budge. 

Daily Challenges

Check out my other blog for daily challenges. There are many updates on that new site. 

unyielding spirit and anxiety

From My Utmost for His Highest, April 7^th:

God cannot reveal anything to us if we don’t have His Spirit. And our own unyielding and headstrong opinions will effectively prevent God from revealing anything to us. But our insensible thinking will end immediately once His resurrection life has its way with us.

 

1 Chron. 22.12-13

May the Lord give you discretion and understanding when he puts you in command over Israel, so that you may keep the law of the Lord your God. Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the Lord gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.

 

Amos 3.7

Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets.

 

1 Cor. 1.9-12

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

 

Rom. 15.13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

lately i’ve been anxious about so many things. my heart, soul and body are filled with anxiety, worry, fear, etc. i feel as tho i can’t find solstice anywhere. i pray and pray, yet my thoughts focus back on the unrest and trouble happening all around me. i’ve heard 3 sermons about worrying – so i know that God is trying to get me to change...

 

so what motivates my worry/anxiety/fear? first i need to get to the bottow of what is causing so much unrest in my soul.

 

• today the house in flowery branch goes up for auction – april 7^th. the kids are on spring break at deanna’s, and they may not have a house to return to when we take them back on sunday. 
• if the house doesn’t sell for more than the loan amount plus lawyer fees, troy will be expected to pay back the difference. this means he will need to file bankruptcy, which will ruin any chance of us getting a house in the next 5 years.
• i would fight for michael and alex to come and live with us, but troy doesn’t necessarily want that.  in the 3 days that we’ve had them this weekend, i can already tell a difference in their attitude. i feel as though they desperately need stability and structure, in order to develop into confident and mature young men.
• the anxiety which michael and alex bring into our house causes me to feel uneasy and anxious. they both continually are chewing the skin off their fingers, biting their nails, and alex sucks his thumb and twills his hair all the time. this cause troy also to be more antsy, bites his nails and shaking his leg. these little motions reveal so much unrest in their lives. it’s bothersome for me to feel so uneasy around them. there’s not peace, rest, or confidence.
• insecurities drive me crazy. i pray for the kids and troy to overcome their insecurites, so that they can be confident and bold. for me, i have the attitude that i can accomplish anything. too often i feel they fall into the thinking that they might get hurt or something might happen to them. they live in constant fear, and i don’t know how to help with that. the bondage of fear and distrust causes them to miss out on so much happiness, thrill and life.
• michael is getting more and more bullheaded and rebellious, and alex is following in those shoes. the kids lack respect for authority, which drives me crazy. i see more and more how important it is to learn these lessons from our parents on earth so that we know how to respect our Father in heaven. if we can’t accept discipline from our earthly dad, how are we ever going to learn to yield our spirits to our heaven Dad?  how will we know to obey His commands, if we don’t listen to our earthly dad’s requests? [1 john 5.3 this is love for God: to obey His commands.] how does one instill obedience, respect and honor?

2008 new year's resolutions is to get back to this blog. i have missed you, 7 day holy.

hey - sorry for the lack of posts on this blog. i've not died, nor have i abandon ship. take a little journey with me to this blog to see what's happening in my world.

God Come by Shane & Shane

Come meet us
King Jesus
Oh wind of change
Blow through the temple

Sweet Spirit of God
Come mend our hearts
For all we have are songs
Unless You come

Awaken what's inside of me
Tune my heart to all You are in me
Even though You're here
God come

May the vision of You be the death of me
And even though You've given everything
Jesus come

Here we are, Lord
In this place
Crying out for
Your embrace

To hear Your voice, God
More than songs
Please come...

The Reality is Found in Christ

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
col. 2.21-23

These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.
col. 2.17

last weekend i attended a training for The Truth Project. click on the link for more info. the teacher, Del Tackett, has amazing ability to communicate. since the training, different thoughts/ideas have come to mind regarding this training. it's the universal issue of good versus evil: to know the difference, we need to find what the Truth is. where is the Truth found? why is it important to know the Truth? does everyone question the Truth? how does knowing the Truth help to communicate Christ to the nations? how does knowing the Truth affect us on an everday basis? does it affect our views on sociology, theology, economics, community, etc.? i'm learning that knowing the Truth, God's Truth, does affect every area of our lives because it transforms the way we think. (rom. 12:2)

because of the training, i'm more apt to look for Truth in scripture. i realize that what Paul was referring to when he said, 'do not handle, taste or touch' were 'what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.' (col. 2.16) what in my life do i continue to obey which is the old law instead of the Spirit of Truth? what have i learned along the way that is law-abiding instead of Spirit-inspired? what do i hold onto that has an appearance of wisdom, with its self-imposed worship, its false humility and its harsh treatment of the body, but it lacks any value in restraining sensual indulenge? what has power to restrain sensual indulenge?

man, i wish i could think deeper than my carnal self. i know that i have answers to these questions...

i'm really trying to give time for these questions to set it. starting with the last question, about 'restraining sensual indulence'. my thoughts go two ways: the first, 'when i'm tempted, what do i do?', and secondly, 'is the church equipping me to restrain sensual indulence?'
*what do i do: after thinking for too long about the temptation, my spirit kicks in and pushes me to pray or read some verses - trying to get my focus from me to Christ. i seldom (if ever) tell my friends what i'm struggling with. i have great friends who would do whatever they could to help, but i don't depend on them for this type of support. (not sure why i added that, but it just kinda typed itself.)
is the church equipping its members to restrain sensual indulgence: somewhere along the way, i had to learn that when tempted i needed to shift my focus from me to Christ. (my initial answer was 'no', but the more i thought about it, my answer changed.) what am i, a member of the church, doing to equip others to restrain sensual indulgence... that's a tough question. know the Truth and it will set you free, be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

somewhere along my journey, Christ revealed Himself to me. He's used people to teach me how to seek Him, who is the answer to every question. He equips, He sustains, He never lets go or leaves us. He sent His Spirit to lead us deeper into 'reality', and away from the virtual. i'm learning that because i think or feel something, that is may not be the Truth. the Truth is Jesus, and that reality is found in Christ. I'm learning that the more i study the Bible, the more knowledge i have on people's natures, community, the reason so many people are broken and in need of the Truth. we, as a people, have been lied to from birth. we are not unworthy, useless, unloved. the Truth is we are loved, worthy, and a people of purpose.

i'm praying for an opportunity to lead/be a participant in this Truth Project. it's a study that begins and ends in the Truth.

Jesus,
You are the Truth. sometimes is building within me to know more and more Truth. i pray for You to give it to me, and not just me, but give it to the all the people. we all need to know this Truth. so much of the teaching i hear today involves emotions and feelings, but i know there is so much more to You. i'm rejoicing that this Truth has come into my life. my reality is found in You - guide me deeper into You to know reality. don't let me be deceived any longer. Spirit of Truth, let me see where i've follow the customs of this age, instead of following Your teaching. if i'm pursuing anything that holds an appearance of wisdom with its self-imposed worship, please reveal this to me. i've died with Jesus to the basic principles of this world. remind me of this when i return to them - that they are not part of who i am any longer. they've been dealt with on the cross and have no power over me. You made a public spectacle of them. You give new meaning to "let Truth reign". i'm letting Your reign in my life. i'm surrendering toYou. again, i'm humbled and amazed at how You bring to light and expose the lies. i'm praying for You to prepare others to be involved in this Truth project. may You open my eyes to see whom You are drawing to this study. i'm praying for 8 people, tho i don't know who You are going to choose. You chose me before i chose You, that's what i know. that's my reality. thanks for choosing me.
in Christ's Name ~ amen
*Tricia *Darcy *Jon

Discipline and Punishment

Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; each is to die for his own sin.
deut. 24.16

And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."
Ex. 34.6-8

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Heb. 12.11

i can't help but have interest in the battle in darfur. children soldiers, holy war, rebellion, separation from Christ. people are dying for a cause that most of can't comprehend. what are these rebels trying to prove? why are they fighting? why are they killing children and raping women? what causes a group of rebels to do these things? are they fighting for peace? I don't know exactly, but i'm saddened by the events which have taken place.

'each is to die for his own sin.' there seems to be some accountability in that statement. but what about these families near darfur who have become fatherless and widowed? i bet they feel like a piece of them have died because of this war. are they feeling disciplined - certainly it doesn't seem pleasant, but painful. i can only imagine the depth of their pain. it breaks my heart to think of how terribly they feel - to live in those conditions. but then this new testament verse goes on to say, 'later on it produces a harvest of righteouness and peace for those who have been trained by it.' this isn't for those who harbor the bitterness and revenge, but for those who have been trained by grace and forgiveness. those who know that God is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands and forgiving wickedness. just think about how difficult it would be to forgive the rebels how raped you and your daughters, killed your husband and forced your sons to become slave-militants. is there such a forgiveness? does it exist? who's bold enough to preach this type of God? who is taking the good news to those who need it most? he who has been forgiven much, loves much. that's Jesus' lesson. ask the woman caught in adultery. ask paul. if someone were to ask me what has been forgiven in my life and how has it affected who i am, what would i answer? how am i being trained to produce a harvest of righteousness and peace? how abundant is my harvest - is it a bumper crop? what proof is there that i am being trained?

gracious God,
i trust that You are disciplining me from my flesh. continue to separate/divide me from who i was. there is a change in my life that i can't explain. i'm learning who i am, as oppose to who i was before i surrendered my life to You. have You way in me. Holy Spirit, i lay down my will and offer it to You; be glorified in me. let this year produce a bumper crop - only thru You am i capable of remaining faithful and able to produce anything good. let Your peace dwell in me that it may overflow and produce praise and good fruit.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Amanda *Melissa *Laura

Unfolding Grace

Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
jonah 2.8

The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
rom. 5:20-21

play song. it's called 'unfolding grace' by lili haydn. looks like she's into new age theology which i don't agree with (just to clarify), but the chorus to this particular song makes me think deeply about what grace is and how it affects me every moment of every day. these are some lyrics:
pouring down like the hands of a weeping willow tree....
are we unfolding grace with every breath that we take? are we unfolding grace with every step that we take? if we are not unfolding grace, what are we doing?
there is truth to be found in those simple words. (if anyone can find all the lyrics to this song, please shoot me an email or post them as a comment.)

i can tell this post is gonna be: 'tanya: wide open". perhaps i should change the title.... (already looking forward to the comments which will follow.)

so i freely admit that i struggle with the thin line between being legalistic and being spirited. (not sure that's the exact way to word it, but i'm going with it for now.) last week during youth group, i saw a kid (i say "kid", but what i really mean, is young man) getting a skateboard out of his vehicle. and knowing church policy, which states there shall be no skateboarding on church ground due to insurance issues (all that technicality stuff; blah, blah, blah), i went outside to say something. but there was already another youth leader outside. and since there were other kids out there riding their skateboards, i didn't really feel right about saying something to them (meaning the youth), since the other leader was allowing this to take place. (i'm normally the one who tells the youth to put their skateboards away - every week.) so i told the youth minister (the one in charge :-) <-just for you denise!) that i was having this crisis/dilemma about wanting to uphold the policy, while other adult leaders don't seem to care.

for me it's a spiritual issue. it's not necessarily about the kids breaking the rules or the adults not upholding the rules. it's about my role as a leader and my commitment to do what i'm expected to do. (i feel honored to be on church council, to be a volunteer youth leader, to be a member of JUMC - all of which i take seriously.) these verses are my reason for why i do what i do:
[Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 1 peter 2:13-14]

[Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. romans 13:1-3

[Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. hebrews 13.17]

cue: psycho-Christian babble [thanks, kimberly, for dubbing those words for me. i really appreciate it! wink wink]

so with all that being said, when i entered one of the youth rooms last night, and saw 'tanya is a skater hater' written on a wall, a great many thoughts came rushing into my mind. (as you can tell from the length of this post!)

then i said something to one of the senoir high girls who we've not seen in a few weeks. it was along the same lines - about trying to get her to do what was asked of her when she didn't want to. (the grammar in that last sentence was terrible, but try to keep up.) pretty typical, i'm-too-cool-to-be-here syndrome. then i noticed one of the middle school boys had a golf tee in his mouth, which i told him to remove. then a young man was drawing on the wall with a marker, which i told him to stop. it seemed like one thing after another. then i got home and read a few pages from 'Out of the Saltshaker' by rebecca manley pippert. my mom sent that book to me for my birthday. with my mom, one never knows what type of books they will be. but so far this one is pretty decent. the part i read about was dropping our guard and getting to know people. don't assume they know you or you know them. expect God to move in them - that's it. and often that means being real about our faults and weaknesses. it also spoke of what they think is their reality, and what we think is our reality.

kinda like the skateboard issue. for me, i'm trying to do what i think is right. they see that as being a skater hater. i see it as a teenage girl who isn't doing what is asked of her. she sees me as an adult who doesn't understand her or cares for her. i see a young man vandalizing church property. i don't know what he sees me as.

oh, i forgot something. after reading about how to get out of a salt shaker, i pulled out an old journal from about 8 years ago. (the question was asked during 7.22 last week, 'how have you changed in the last 10 years?') my first entry was a list of questions. many of the question made me realize that i still don't know the answers. like, 'what satisfies?' or, 'who's opinion matters to me?' these are the question of a young person, trying to learn who they are. i bet the same questions are asked by the teenages in the youth group. and somehow God still answers. i marvel at this.

being a martha in a mary world? or being mary in a martha world? which do i fall under? am i connecting with Christ? -that is the question of my heart. (that wasn't one of the questions written in my journal 8 years ago, but i guarantee that was the deep answer and question at the time. i'm still seeking.

Mind-opener. that is how i would describe You today, Jesus. You are delving into my heart. this is unfolding grace in my life. i trust these question and thoughts are coming from You. i trust that tho i fall, You'll be with me. perhaps you didn't realize who asked the question yesterday during shottie and my walk. it was her saying, 'give me something to think about, a question or thought or scripture'. that wasn't me. but i guess You had another thing in mind. perhaps it was me asking for something to think about. and You answered the unspoken prayer. in piggly wiggly yesterday - the gift bag, You again reminded me that You'll lead me in the way i should go, You'll watch over me and direct me. that was You on the bag. that was You during the hike, saying 'follow me, I'll show You the waterfall.' You are the giver of clean, refreshing water. You are the one who takes the rough edges off the hard rocks. You are the one who breathes life into legalism. You are the one who is teaching me to be softer, get to know those to whom i give instruction, not to lord my authority over others. You are the one who give grace to the sinner and binds up the broken hearted. that's You. my heart rejoices as it is filled with this new mystery. You've changed me in 10 years - from someone who justified her drinking to someone who justifies upholding the law. good thing You aren't through with me yet.
thru Jesus my Savior ~ Amen
3 unspokens

Women: Support and Power

After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with him, and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; Joanna the wife of Cuza, the manager of Herod's household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means.
Luke 8.1-3

When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Esther 4.12-14

Habari za asubuhi.(good morning.) slowly but surely some swahili words and phrases are sinking into my thinking. (i absolutely love it!) it's like waking in the early morning, going outside and breathing in a huge breath of cool, refreshing, clean air. like the rush you get after stretching first thing after climbing out of bed. like opening your eyes to see someone who you've not seen in a long time. like hearing the voice of a friend from your past. like experiencing your first kiss. like discovering you didn't wet yourself during your first rollercoaster ride. like the first time you rode your bike without help. like trusting your dad to catch you when you jump into his arms. like someone pushing you higher and higher as you swing. it feels kinda like that.

so these ladies are following Jesus because He has done something great for them. so why do they continue to follow Him? what draws these ladies to this man? we know a couple things: mary was cured of demons, and joanna was married and had money. but that's not it. we also know that these ladies helped support Jesus and the disciples out of their own means. that the catch. they used their money and resources to support Jesus and his friends. that amazes me, especially joanna. i wonder what her husband thought? i can only imagine how joanna and her husband discussed what she was doing with her time and their money. i'm reminded that people want to give their time and resources to support people and organizations which offer something in return. Jesus had/has a way of moving people to give. i'm relying on that realization as i think of the next year ahead.

let's not forget the famous queen ester. mordecai and the jews were in dire need of a miracle. long story short: some unbelieving official decreed that all jews should dies, and esther was the last ray of hope to overturn to ruling. she was afraid to approach the king with this major request, so mordecai had to send her an 'encouragement' note. the note: you and your family will die if you don't do something. so she rallied the prayer warriors, fasted, and presented her request before the king. he granted her request, allowing the Jews to exist. so i question, what am i to do? what challenges lie ahead, and what type of risk will be involved? who will i need to request help from? who can i call on for prayer support? who will rise up and present a 'encouragement note' to me? am i willing to die if the King doesn't answer my request?

not sure why these two stories keep rolling thru my mind or how they are connected, but they do.

Aba, Baba, mambo yote yawezekana kwako. Tafadhali niondolee kikombe hiki cha mateso. Lakini si kama nitakavyo mimi, bali mapenzi yako yatimizwe. (Marko 14.36) i surrender to You. i will live my life as a child in awe of You.
in Jesus Name ~ Amen
*Cheryl *Earl *Denise