Indecency in Marriage

Something about Deuteronomy draws me in. Perhaps it's the legal side of the book - all the "you should do this", or "you need to do it". It's pretty black and white for the most part.

But this passage doesn't seem that way. Take a look.

Deut. 24:1-4

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.

At first glace it may seem very simple. But then when you dig deeper, there are some questions which arise. 

What could a woman do that is "indecent"?

Who gets to judge the "indecent" behavior?
And because I'm a modern female in a culture where divorce is so prevalent, can a woman divorce her husband for his indecent behavior?

I don't know these answers.

Malachi 2.16

"The man who hates and divorces his wife, " says the Lord, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

Let's skip over to the new testament. These guys called "Pharisees" ask the question of our day.

Matthew 19:3-12

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

4 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

10 The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

11 Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

Apparently men in the time of Jesus considered adultery top of the list of sins. Perhaps the men only wanted the benefits of being married and not the commitment of marriage. What does this mean, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry"? Maybe he was getting at the fact that he would prefer to live with a woman instead of marrying her. How do we know exactly what was in his heart? I think he was being honest about a real question he was struggling with in order to find the truth.

But that's not the end. Jesus goes on to tell this little story about eunuchs. Maybe you can explain what he is getting at... the part about some eunuchs were born this way, some were made that way by others, and some just choose to live like eunuchs for the kingdom's sake.

So which one am I? Can I say that I'm born this way, or was I made by others, or do I choose to live a certain way for the Kingdom's sake? I'm not sure about that answer, but I know for me specifically, I choose to be married to Troy. And I was spiritually reborn in Christ who dwells within me, causing me to actually be born into a committed relationship which hates divorce and loves reconciliation. Other relationships which have endured through decades inspire me to continue to make that decision on a daily basis. Our families support us graciously, and give us lots of babysitting so Troy and I can spend one-on-one time together. I guess I have all little of all three eunuch options within me.