wrestling and mercy

When they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord's anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God. Then David was angry because the Lord's wrath had broken out against Uzzah, and to this day that place is called Perez Uzzah. David was afraid of God that day and asked, "How can I ever bring the ark of God to me?"
1 chron. 13:9-12

so what's been going on with me? let's see. i've been to vegas and the grand canyon. cue photos guess i've not uploaded too many photos. it was good for my soul to get to spend some time with kimberly. we had some intriguing talks during our 8 hour drive to and fro the 'big hole'. it's good to re-connect with friends, and to spend time in their presence. it's important to see their facial expressions and to hear their voice. since kimberly lives in las vegas, we don't get to spend much time together. about once or twice a year we get to spend a few hours together because of vacation or Stone Mountain Highland Games.

many of our conversations revolved around God, and what He's doing.
+ Kimberly's church has already out-grown their new facility.
- Kimberly feels more disconnected
+ kimberly has a great small group
- kimberly fears being open and honest in small group about what is deeply going on within her - the wrestling with God.

wrestling with God... seems like David had some moments of wrestling when Uzzah was killed because he was attempting to keep the ark from falling off the wagon. 'david was angry.' that's a very bold statement. things didn't go the way that david had intended - he wasn't getting his way. was david out of line to have these feelings? i don't think so. i think it shows the humanness of david, the man after God's own heart. did david sin because of the anger - david decided to drop the ark off at the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite instead of taken it to the City of David? did he miss God's mark? was God upset with David for doing this?

i've been doing some of my own wrestling lately. and tho it feels heavy and exhausting, i know i'm not alone in the fight. i'm not an island, tho the journey is my own.

from 'this journey is my own,' by sara groves:
When I stand before the Lord, I'll be standing alone. This journey is my own. Still I want man's advice, and I need man's approval, but this journey is my own. : Chorus: Why would I want to live for man and pay the highest price? What would it mean to gain the world, only to lose my life? . So much of what I do is to make a good impression. This journey is my own. So much of what I say is to make myself look better. This journey is my own. . Chorus . I have never felt relief like I feel it right now. This journey is my own. 'Cause trying to please the world it was breaking me down, it was breaking me down. . Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, now I live and I breath for an audience of one. Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, 'cause I know this journey is my own. . Chorus . You can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain. I can't even judge myself. Only the Lord can say, "Well done."

Jesus,
tho my heart feels heavy and tired, and my words don't seem to flow gracefully, i'm crying out to You. some of my words to You are weighted and strong. sometimes the road doesn't feel fair or kind. but i'm learning to praise You with gratitude even if You chose not to answer my call today. help me to see Your mercies which come in various ways. thanks for my daily bread, and for friends who are willing to stand in the gap. thanks for grace that falls on weary lands. leed me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil. i'm cling onto this verse, "A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but fools detest turning from evil." (prov. 13.19) i'm clinging to the hope of my longing to be fulfilled. i desire to please You, my God and my King.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Mike *Patsy *Patsy

listening

Therefore I say: Listen to me; I too will tell you what I know. I waited while you spoke, I listened to your reasoning; while you were searching for words, I gave you my full attention.
job 10-12a

'To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or work associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand - highly developed qualities of character. It's so much easier to operate from a low emotional level and to give high-level advice.' -Stephen Covey from 'the 7 habits of highly effective people'

sometime it seems God speaks in a whisper, sometimes He has to use force; in both instances, God speaks with purpose. this quote from stephen covey speak so loudly to me that i can't help but notice. it's nearly as tho Jesus is sitting across my desk in my folding chair, and saying that statement to me. after i read that statement, i set the book down, and continued in conversation with Jesus, since He was already speaking to me.

so what has God spoken to you lately? what have you heard Him say? have you responded to Him with patience, openness, and a desire to understand?

(and for denise, i know what you are going to say. 'nobody thinks like you, tanya. maybe the Lord Jesus Christ can figure you out.') or in the lyrics to 'you get me' by zoegirl,
No more tears,
It's a silent ride.
You've broken down all fears,
Cuz you have made an all of me.
You know me better,
Than I know myself.
The key to my security,
Cuz there is no one else,
Who gets me.

Jesus,
Your word has refreshed my soul. tho it's painful to hear the words, i know You're calling me to a deeper understanding of listening. thanks for speaking truth to me. i can't change on my own, Jesus; i need Your help. i need You to teach me how to be open, patient and have a desire to understand what's being communicated. open my heart to hear. and about this low emotional level while offering high-level advice... well, i'm so guilty of this. may Your grace cover me. teach me, Father, how to effectively communicate truth with love. only thru You...
amen
*the miller family *skylar *the buffintons *derrick

go and love and touch in the name of Jesus

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise — the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
heb. 13.15-16

We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
1 john 4.16

i feel like the rain is falling on me. like the way the earth must feel after a drought. there are so many people in my life who need the rain which i'm basking in. and i'm trying to give them rain, but some people refuse to accept the gift. they'd rather remain in the sun-scorched land, like the plants that wither because they have no root. (matt. 13.6) perhaps my presentation of the rain isn't very appealing, or maybe my motives are divided. deep within me i wish that these people would accept this rain and be refreshed, as i am.

this tatto series that louie has presented throughout the summer was rain for my soul. he said, 'just GO and LOVE and TOUCH in the name of Jesus Christ.' he was referring to the way we are to be the body of Christ to those who need to be touched the most. Jesus made constant examples of the untouchables - to the blind, Jesus smeared mud on their eyes; to the man leprosy, He touched him; to the prostitute, He touched her; to the man with questions, He touched him. how do you fire God up? do this: sing God a song of praise while pouring out your life into those who most need to be touched. in the midst of the pain and hurting, sing Your song to Christ. get over Your own wants, and care for the needs of others - all while singing a song of praise to God. don't grumble when things don't go your way - sing and pray all the more. build others up instead of tearing them down.let others know that we are the Body of Christ thru our unity and love. find what breaks the heart of Christ and do something about it. 'Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.' james 1.27

something in last night's message gripped my heart and it hasn't let me go. i'm drawn to the hope in the words. i.m convinced more than ever before that i want to go to africa; i've been called from darkness into light. (1 peter. 2.9) my prayers are moving from 'God, i really want to go' to 'God, don't let me stay here any longer.'

Jesus,
what an incredible name. You've conquered death and You hold life in Your hands. Your power and might are great. and Your name can fell the enemy. be praised for choosing me to sing a song of praise to You. my heart rejoices that You've rained down upon me with light and hope, love and compassion. as i abide in You, You come and make this heart Your home. it's a joy to know and be known by You. teach me to represent You well. let me offer others some rain in a way which will be pleasing and acceptable. let them see and desire to have what i'm offering. use me as a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world. (mother teresa)
in Jesus Name ~ Amen.
*Leslie *kimberly * Derrick

Honoring God and Wisdom

'Make an altar of earth for me and sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, your sheep and goats and your cattle. Wherever I cause my name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you.'
exodus 20.24

All this I tested by wisdom and I said, "I am determined to be wise"— but this was beyond me. Whatever wisdom may be, it is far off and most profound— who can discover it? So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the madness of folly.
eccl. 7.23-25

this has been a busy week for me. work has be exceptionally busy, and after work i'm staying with a friend of mine who recently had hip replacement surgery. oh and somehow in the midst of all that, i lost my cell phone for 3 days. last night was a much needed let down - it was game night with some friends; it was a wonderful comic relief to the busyness of life. certainly good for the soul!

so last saturday i was reading exodus 20, the big 10, and stumbled across this verse tacked on the end. Yahweh says, "wherever i cause My Name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you." where has God caused His Name to be honored in my life? what points can i identify as movements of God? what have i done to honor Him - what altars have i constructed for others to see that i worship the Living God? am i looking for Him to make His Name honored in my life? am i giving Him sufficient time? this week i haven't giving Him my time. last week, i was intentionly giving him time everyday... oh to be able to set aside time daily to surrender my life will to His...

(with all those questions in the previous paragraph, i feel like i'm writing a bible study!!!!)

oh the importance of 'selah' - pause and calmly consider.

and last night before my head hit the pillow at midnight... my eyes fell upon these verses about wisdom. when i was younger, mostly in middle school when my faith was developing in leaps in bounds, i remember earnestly praying for wisdom. i remember reading verses in Proverbs about how important it is to have wisdom. i would get on my knees next to my bed and meditate and pray for God to bestow wisdom upon me. i still find myself praying for wisdom often, perhaps not quite as earnestly, (the old age symptoms of knowing wisdom comes with time and age are setting in.) this verse about desiring to 'turn my mind to understand, to investiage and to search out wisdom,' still grabs my attention.

if i had wisdom when i was given my first credit card, i would not be in this debt now. if i had demonstrated wisdom with my sexuality, i would not have had to confess as often as i did... and still do. but i don't feel God let me down or didn't answer my prayers for wisdom. He answered in more ways that i could have asked. when i asked for wisdom, He strengthened my faith, gave me 'proof' that He exists, opened doors for me to experience the work of the gospel. also, my grades in elementary school were average, in middle school and high school they were above average, and some how i managed to graduate with honors. that has to be some form of wisdom...

so what can i do to pursue wisdom? what can i do t oturn my mind to understand and investigate wisdom?

Jesus,
may You in Your abundant grace give me wisdom. if it pleases You, give me ears and eyes to recognize where You are causing Your Name to be honored. may i have all that is needed to build an altar where my humble sacrifice may be may given unto You. and may this humble sacrifice be pleasing in Your sight, worthy of Your Name and honor.
in Jesus' Name ~ Amen
*Melody *Cathy *Glenn